He Knows

Job hunting is the absolute worst.

You can't do anything, you just fill out applications, you interview, you raise your hopes, you get discouraged and you do the same thing every day. No one knows that the reason you didn't order anything at the cafe was because you just finished filling up your gas tank to get here and you only have $11.85 in the whole wide world. No one at church knows, that you scramble to make your old clothes look new{ish} and wear different combinations of outfits all the time. No one knows that your laptop is open 24/7 and you aren't binge watching shows on Netflix, you're attempting to make your resume stand out. No one knows about the stress headaches you get when you stand in a hot shower and wonder if this is the rest of your life. No one knows that you have the phone numbers from your last three jobs memorized and you could say them in your sleep {in fact you probably do}.

But He knows.

He does. He knows about your eye strain. About your embarrassment for not being able to afford bobby pins from Walmart. About grinding your teeth all through the night. He knows. He's been there. He was jobless for three years, as he traveled the country spreading good news. He knows how hard you worked to fundraise for that mission trip. He probably had to do the same thing.

He knows and therefore He has blessed me. He has blessed me with a loving family and friends who generously lend me money without asking, or offer to buy me food if I just show up. He has placed these people in my life because He knew that I would need them right now more than anytime in my life.

It was only when I was humbled that I realized, God is not a distant God. He knows exactly what I'm going through. He's suffered right along there with me, firsthand 2,000 years ago. In the little things, I see Him. He's blowing me kisses. After having lived in a 3rd world country for the past 6 months, I am blown away by how much Western society is focused on spending money. But I also know how blessed I am to have a hot shower, to have more than 4 outfits of clothes, to have electricity 24/7. It's those things, that you may or may not notice, that's where I feel His kisses. I feel them in the warmth from the bonfire that my family is having in the back yard.  I feel kisses in the silence of the morning as I study His Word. I feel kisses in the storms that lull me to sleep. All around me, I see evidence and therefore I can say, no....I can SCREAM: "I am blessed!!!!"