Praise for Piggyback Rides

I shifted Nerrie's weight from drooping onto my tailbone and farther up to my shoulders. Beautiful moonlight streamed through the Belizean jungle lighting up the gravel road I was walking on as if it had been a ribbon of silver laid on the ground. "Cub" as we affectionately called my 7 year old brother was breathing heavily and evenly, meaning that my little Energizer Bunny was fast asleep. Despite his protestations that he wasn't the least little bit tired, I had scooped up my 7 year old host brother and bundled him onto my back. The cows were penned only an eighth of a mile from my parents house, but that was an eight of a mile too long for Cub. He had had a busy day at school and then running errands. By the time we reached the cows with their sweet molasses and grain I'd seen the the telltale droops of his eyelids and his gigantic yawn could have easily swallowed a baseball. Cub had been fully confident in his ability to walk the road home, but I knew better and as I climbed a small hill I listened to his oblivious snoring. "Suuuuure Cub, you're totally not tired." I thought laughing to myself, careful not to awaken my little bundle. I admired his valiant effort to push me away but I loved all the more when allowed me to wrap my arms around him and scoop him up to safety and sleep. When he allowed me to step in and ave him from falling asleep {and possibly a sleepover in a feeding trough} that's when I realized God longs to do the same for us. But because we throw barriers insisting that everything is under control, God is unable to step in and ave us from ourselves. "I long to redeem them" {Hosea 7:13}. That is God's own words. I adjusted Nerrie at the foot of our driveway so I could hoist his tired head onto my shoulder, His face was calm and relaxed, sleepily blissful. I ducked my head quickly giving my little Cub a kiss under the moon, before I trudged up the hill, praising God for my small, subtle lessons every day.

Tiny Humans

My alarm just beeped my 5:30 wake up call....I groaned and fell out of my bunk bed to silence the annoying creature. It would be SO easy to complain that I have to get up early for my job. It would be MORE than fine to grumble that I'm not a morning person... But I've changed.

My trip has showed me that I am truly spoiled. I work a full time job in which I get to play with kids, and if you've never nannied before, the basic job description is that it is a contest to see who gets exhausted first, you or the kids. My contest lasts from about 5:30 am-9:30 pm. From that time I am up and at it, on my feet, yawning hugely, and consuming inappropriate amounts of caffeine. But the job has it's perks, the mom has a Keurig I'm allowed all day use of, the kids are sweet, and there's my favorite part of the day, NAP TIME!  <3 <3 <3 God has blessed me with a job. He has pushed me so far out of my comfort zone, that not only will I have a hard time finding my way back, but I don't want to even go back there. How can I be comfortable when there are so many new things to be trying?!

If I can become a morning person...miracles and God are real.

#happytuesdayeveryone

Spiritual Sinus Infections

For weeks now, my sinuses have been draining into my ear making it hard to hear people talking to me, or just noises in general. My doctor shook her head this morning as she poked her pointy black light into my ear, "Guess it's been difficult for you to listen to people, huh?" She asked as she finished up her examination and began writing my prescription. I nodded miserably, fighting the urge to shake my head and clear out the white noise that drowns all sound out of my left ear.

It HAD been hard to hear things lately. I missed the early morning sounds of birds as I did my Bible time out on the back patio, or the soft background music I have a habit of playing while I clean my room {I had to raise my Spotify sounds to an ear splitting level in order to enjoy my music}. Not being able to hear sucked. Not only was it just annoying, it was also dangerous. I few times I had been unable to hear cars coming in parking lots and almost became a human pancake.

I thought about how many times in my life when I hadn't heard God. How much more had my life sucked when I chose to ignore His voice and warnings and had chosen a life of sin over a life of obedience. The more I sinned, the more difficult it was to hear Him. Finally my "symptoms" got so bad, I could hear nothing at all. The silence was deafening. The silence was dangerous.

I stood in line to pick up my prescription and thought about how I had put away everything that I had kept me away from God. I had given up things that were hindering  my recovery, and found that all of a sudden I could hear! He was speaking as plain as day! I was/am so happy about getting over my spiritual sinus infection.

Now let's just pray that I can get over my physical one and be able to hear again! :)

HIS timing

"God is good" has been my mantra for the past 9 months.

That simple saying has gotten me through hard times and joyous times. I started saying it when I had to start fundraising for my Immersion trip. I said it when I had to leave my family. I continued chanting it when I had to swallow more rice in one meal than I've ever consumed in my entire life. I sang it in churches of different denominations. I prayed it running through airport terminals, trying to catch flights. I said it when I saw my family for the first time in 6 months. I prayed it through my month of job hunting. 

I sang it when my friend offered me her full-time nannying job. 

Today was my first day with the kids and I found that they are sweet and lovable. The parents are welcoming and laid back. My salary is perfect for my needs.

He had this job in His mind when He created me. He had this job in mind when He made me wait for it. Finally I am able to rejoice in His timing. He is so good. All the time. 

He Knows

Job hunting is the absolute worst.

You can't do anything, you just fill out applications, you interview, you raise your hopes, you get discouraged and you do the same thing every day. No one knows that the reason you didn't order anything at the cafe was because you just finished filling up your gas tank to get here and you only have $11.85 in the whole wide world. No one at church knows, that you scramble to make your old clothes look new{ish} and wear different combinations of outfits all the time. No one knows that your laptop is open 24/7 and you aren't binge watching shows on Netflix, you're attempting to make your resume stand out. No one knows about the stress headaches you get when you stand in a hot shower and wonder if this is the rest of your life. No one knows that you have the phone numbers from your last three jobs memorized and you could say them in your sleep {in fact you probably do}.

But He knows.

He does. He knows about your eye strain. About your embarrassment for not being able to afford bobby pins from Walmart. About grinding your teeth all through the night. He knows. He's been there. He was jobless for three years, as he traveled the country spreading good news. He knows how hard you worked to fundraise for that mission trip. He probably had to do the same thing.

He knows and therefore He has blessed me. He has blessed me with a loving family and friends who generously lend me money without asking, or offer to buy me food if I just show up. He has placed these people in my life because He knew that I would need them right now more than anytime in my life.

It was only when I was humbled that I realized, God is not a distant God. He knows exactly what I'm going through. He's suffered right along there with me, firsthand 2,000 years ago. In the little things, I see Him. He's blowing me kisses. After having lived in a 3rd world country for the past 6 months, I am blown away by how much Western society is focused on spending money. But I also know how blessed I am to have a hot shower, to have more than 4 outfits of clothes, to have electricity 24/7. It's those things, that you may or may not notice, that's where I feel His kisses. I feel them in the warmth from the bonfire that my family is having in the back yard.  I feel kisses in the silence of the morning as I study His Word. I feel kisses in the storms that lull me to sleep. All around me, I see evidence and therefore I can say, no....I can SCREAM: "I am blessed!!!!"

Already?

I've been home for a month.

A lot of my team and  I have agreed that the most challenging part about coming home, was not culture shock. It was battling ourselves and our expectations of ourselves.

For me in particular, I wanted to jump right into a job and volunteering opportunities. I wanted to go back to school and make new friends and keep in touch with my old ones. I had all these perfect scenarios in my head, and I truly believed that it was all going to go this way because I had done what God had wanted and FINALLY it was my turn to tell the story.

Yeah. Well...

Here I am. Still battling things.

Some days I wake up and I am ready to go! I have really good Bible studies, I have four cups of coffee, I go for my runs, and I feel like I can do absolutely anything. I am on top of my stuff! I am Wonder Woman!

Some days I wake up and it's all I can do to get out of bed. All I want to do is catch up on Netflix. A whole pot of coffee won't give me energy, and I realllyyyyyy just don't have time for God today. Sorry! But here let me binge watch a season of "New Girl", cause that's not wasting my time.

Some days, I am optimistic about my future. Some days I despair. But every single day, I just keep reminding myself that God has got this. He really does.

I've picked up reading again {I used to be such a bookworm, it's embarrassing} and I found this really awesome book I think you would like, "One Thousand Gifts" by Ann Voskamp. I was astounded that something that I needed to read would simply show up right in front of me at the right time. Before the first chapter had even ended, I was laughing, crying, and praying. God is good. All the time.

Falling in Faith

I have to admit that worry tugged at my heartstrings as my two year old host sister dragged mat what felt like breakneck speed down the narrow rocky path leading from our house to the road. Twilight was falling on the already gray day. It had been raining all day making the path slippery. The steep walk way was treacherous even in the daylight and drier conditions, but my miniature princess was oblivious to the sliding rock sand shards of glass beneath the pounding of her bare feet. I grimaced at the thought of slipping and mudding another pair of shorts or scraping my already scratched legs and arms. Even worse what if I flipped over the top of her tiny head and dragged us both to the bottom?! My mind was focused on all these "what ifs" and worst case scenarios, and then as we neared the bottom of our steep a Bible vs. filled with irony popped into my head, "A child shall lead them." {Isaiah 11:6} A wry smile parted my lips as I reflected on yet another vs. "Unless you change and become like little children, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven." {Matt. 18:3}I desperately wished that my already bruised and scratched legs were faster and my head closer to the ground as my chubby little sister's legs beat out a steady rhythm on the slightly less steep path. Maybe then I would be less afraid of the rocky ground. But I realized that this is how God wants us to love others and Himself, with wild, reckless abandon. Brittany had no thought of what might happen if she took a tumble down the incline. Or if she was contemplating the possibility of any broken bones she hid it behind her delighted little giggle. How said is it that often we grown up into ancient 21 year olds in a spiritual sense and begin to mistrust ourselves and our God and worry about falling and stumbling that we forget that He will never allow us to stumble, just as I gripped Brittany's hand tightly, ready, willing, and able to save her should she need me to. I sat at the bottom of the hill watching my siblings play soccer and wondered at what point in my spiritual journey did I become so obsessed with my bumps and bruises of sing that made me inch my way gingerly toward God, instead of throwing caution to the wind and plunging headfirst towards God confident in my steps, and assured of my destination. Ah so many lessons to be learned from my little sister who can't even speak my language. Brittany, I'm praying to have my 2 year old faith returned to me.